Sunday, June 29, 2008
seriously, i really really really feel that there are so little saturdays in this world. i just had a almost perfect saturday. wake up. eat. laze. nap. wake up. snack. laze. eat. laze.
ahhh. life is beautiful.
until my dad made me do some maintenance work on the roof. zzz. we got a huge mango tree growing at the side. the mangoes dropped all over e roof. since that roof area is not sloping, the mangoes just sat there, rain or shine, and just started rotting.
EEE
so forking gross. some are totally dried till there is only e seed and skin left. some are soggy and in the process of rotting. there was this particular mango which i lifted and THERE ARE MAGGOTS SQUIRMING AROUND. ohmygawd. urgh. worse, the maggots started moving off to find food since i removed their source of food aka rotting mango. MAGGOTS CAN ACTUALLY JUMP!. its a freaking cool mechanism. i was mesmerized for a while.they roll themselves into a U shape and den straighten themselves into a I shape with such intensity that they springs off. for like 20seconds there were about 6 or 7 maggots jumping arnd like dancing water droplets. wow. it was just mesmerizing. true blue biologist eh. LOL.
other than that, i really love my saturdays. big fluffy pillows, me lying and rolling on e cool tile floor with gentle drafts blowing back with the perfect intensity, tranquil atmosphere, low lighting. ahhhh. my perfect saturday pick-me-up from a week of tough training.
seriously. there are so little saturdays in this world...
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
just had a VERY bad week.
i cannot emphasize any more on how bad this week was without using vulgarities. just very bad.
its beginning to eat into me. the toughness of training for my vocation aka C3. not easy being controller AT ALL. not easy. its just a BAD WEEK. i have to bring my morale up. i dont know how. but i need to. ahh. this calls for chocolate and retail therapy.
bad week.
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Sunday, June 22, 2008
Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowerslove this song. go kelly clarkson.. u are the best
wanted to blog about difference in spending habits and how people with different spending habits often conflict.. but the song just got to me.
are u there... are u watching meand . . .just love the dark negative spirit of the album and how it just syncs in with my mood... i could replay My December and just wallow in my dark thoughts and feelings..
i'll take the Chivas instead...
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Saturday, June 21, 2008
congrats to those who felt love their posting.
but honestly, is there nothing else to talk about other than NS? its really getting on every single nerve in my body. sigh.
anyway, feeling grumpy cause the shopping trip is postponed. shall go shopping also anyway. den go shopping again. spread out my expenditure. lol.
watching Premonition on channel u now. horror movie. peeing in my pants. lol. yea yea i know i am a scaredy cat. meow.
dreaming of a sweeter tomorrow. hah. why am i never satisfied? i dont know. greedy me.
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Monday, June 16, 2008
GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!!!
gonna buy buy buy buy buy and splurge my hard earned cadet pay. MUAHAHA
zzz. went parkway today with my mom. saw this nice pair of nike shoes. 30% discount leh! FREAKING DONT HAVE MY SIZE.
zzz. pissed. went over saw giordano having sale. WHEEE. linen bermudas. =DD. ONCE AGAIN NO SIZE.
so irritating. nvm. lucky bought a nike bottle. appeased.
but FREAKING NO DISCOUNT. urgh. tmd.
HAD to get a cone of my favourite durian ice cream. nvm. at least got bottle and ice cream.
wheee going shopping with davis jeremy sheldon and ruilong this coming saturday. gonna buy my berms and shoes and jeans. maybe gonna buy a nice bag and slippers. zzz. gonna burn my pocket. den sunday going out with michelle peisi and kenneth for a movie. ahhh. life is sweet. until my cadet pay is completely used up. which i predict is this sunday. SIAN.
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Sunday, June 15, 2008
i wonder.. whats it like to pass on. to lose consciousness. what will my senses sense next...?
i keep thinking of my own consciousness. i wriggle my fingers and my toes and notice how they move.. but what if, i pass on? where will my consciousness go? what will i feel next? will i still feel the wind blowing from the oscillating fan right beside me now? or will i, according to religious doctrines, be in some afterlife? would i STILL feel my fingers, the wind, the taste of chocolate, the touch of people that i love? or suffer in some forsaken place... zzzz...
heard a discussion on what is life a few days back in the computer lab btwn a group of guys. basically one guy was the doubter who picked on every single word the other guys said. one gave up explaining. more importantly, one guy said that to him, life is about living for a non-material concept eg love, friendship. blahh. something that gives meaning. something that gives u the urge to wake up in the morning. and of course, the doubter went "for that statement to hold, e concept must not be time dependent. what if it was? would u...." (ten minutes more of such stuff)
anyway. this is my blog so shant dwell on them. to me, i think life is experiencing a package. your consciousness (the ability to control your actions), your senses (all 5 of them), your emotions and feelings (to love, to hate, to enjoy). not an exhaustive list btw..
without any single component, one would be considered to be suffering from a defect ie retarded, diseased, handicapped. that is to say, one is not having the whole package ie not experiencing a complete life. over and above this, life is about opening this package and embracing all the components in its entirety. when all these components play out together, to me, that is the symphony of life.
sigh.
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Friday, June 13, 2008
life just aint what you expect it to be.
although i nvr really knew Clifton, but the sight of his picture on the front page just sends chills down my spine.
he really is gone...i am still trying to work on coming to terms with this piece of news. to me, with all due respect, i have realised that i am more distraught aboout the news that a friend of mine has passed on. its no longer simple and sweet. no longer the innocent life. no longer a
child.
its the truth. such emotional surges dont happen to children. this is the first time a friend of my age passed on.
this is the real thing. its not smth so simple like waking up, going to work, doing that thing u do every single day, coming back home and eating what your mom cook (or whatever that is on the table). i know it sounds moronic but life has never seemed more real to me. maybe its just me. maybe its because i have been taking it lightly. maybe i have been complacent and that such a tragedy wont happen to me. but i will never know if i have JUST narrowly missed it. all those talk about life is short and fleeting never seemed so
real before.
i know you have moved on to somewhere better. i know i shouldnt cry and be happy for you, but i am not good at holding back my tears. being part of the firing party is all i can do for you... rest well...
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closin'.
*
*
But it's over now.
Go on and take a bow.
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Sunday, June 01, 2008
hmmm. 1.30am on a saturday morning and i have a burning urge to blog. haha.
in my ocs days during air force service term, i actually had to do a book review. when i was in the afst, i was thinking to myself, "wtbf, so eng until must do project and do bk review." right now, i feel extremely thankful that i actually did those 2 items.
for the project, the info that i have learnt from my own project has aided my understanding of air force knowledge and concepts that are taught in afs. furthermore since everyone else did other project titles and presented to us, we learnt about other topics and i have managed to draw connections between the project work and the air knowledge we are learning right now. and for discussions, these prior knowledge have actually helped us make more fruitful contributions.
for the book review, i had to review this book,
Leadership and the New Science. and personally, i am experiencing first hand how accurate this book is. shall share it with my dearest reader, you.
my biggest takeaway from the book was that
"effort should be put into enhancing and encouraging relationship building rather than on solutions and role dividing" the rationale in the book was that if people in the team have good relationships with one another, efficiency and results would arise from among themselves naturally through this supposed chaos as long as they know what the end goal is.
to me its really true. in afst, i really did not have any good relationship with anyone in my flight/team/platoon. therefore, i did not feel the sense of belonging and i did not give anything. i just steered cleared of everything that has to be done and kept really low. half-fucked job, as the guys in army would say. however when it came t logistics, i willingly gave my effort because the log team of the whole air wing (wysen sharon sirui and i) are very chummy. we had good relationships with one another. we willingly offered for anything and there was joy in our work. with joy comes the pride that the work done must be stellar. after afst and into afs, i was more receptive and more efficient as i had better relationships with all the c3 dudes. right nw, i am giving more than what i gave in afst. and furthermore, i enjoy it. and with that joy, comes the pride that what i give is not sub-standard
i cant say the same for everyone because others may be perfectionists and hence, abhore half-fucked shit and wont degrade themself to producing sub-standard results. but i can honestly point out that the process of production would monumentally different.
relationships really matter. because once u feel that u belong, u dont mind putting in the effort, the energy, the zeal into the end-cause.
the main reason why one shouldnt be establishing roles and objectives without first encouraging relationship-building is because segmenting a team stifles creativity. one dont have to give more than what is needed because there is a line. its already under somebody else's jurisdiction. why bother? although the initial state may be chaotic, order would emerge eventually once the team, as a whole, together, knows what has to be done. people would volunteer to do certain issues they feel that they are good at. people would be more receptive to one another and their suggestions. people are able to be themselves, not be restrained by roles and rules but rather, open up and contribute in many different areas.
dont get me wrong, the entire organization need nt be ONE team. but there should be many teams with gd r/s throughout the tier. bsides, different tiers dont usually mix. not the point. point is, relationships makes sense in the work. one is no longer doing just to finish it. one
enjoys the process of working AND
gets paid for it.
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