Saturday, March 22, 2008
got posted to ocs. dont know whether to be happy or to be sad. well, thats the problem with me i guess. having no goal in my life. yes i admit, i have no goal. damnit. i totally need to find them. yes i am happy for the high salary, but i am just having cold feet thinking about all the stuff i have to go through. but u know what, i will rise up to the challenge anyway...
back to my goal. well... currently i am just thinking of the career with the lowest work to pay ratio. wishd they categorized careers in that manner. lol. i never believed in those people with that single goal ie i want to be a doctor and save lives or change lives or meddle with lives. i mean, what tuh hell, u wanna set a goal when your character have not yet settled down?! i mean, 16 years into your life of actually utilizing logic and emotions and tadah, i want to be a lawyer, by hook or by crook! sigh. ok maybe i am being sore but i just dont think what we want to become now may not be what we want to stay as 10 yrs later...
ok fine. i admit, i dont wnt to grow up, as inevitable the outcome is. this totally boils down to growing up. i just realized i am approaching 19 and soon, 20. gosh. it scares me. to grow up. not that i am blaming my family for treating me like a kid for 18 years... yeah. but anyway, since i dont know whats best for me, i shall just do what my family say. apply for medicine and fuck double degree. but honestly, my choices are what are expected of hc and rj students. and that freaking which scares me. am i that capable? sigh.. just wished i as much confidence in myself as the amount my family and friends have in me.
ok quit babbling. . i shall be mentally strong and i shall begin to grow up. i shall transit to being an adult and i shall take charge. *warcry*
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Thursday, March 20, 2008
are you there..
are you watching me..i totally love kelly clarkson. <3
damnit. self proclaimed kelly clarkson fan yet i totally din ease into her album My December. so many songs i actually love and feel. sucha personal album. i never really noticed it until i read about it online. she must have been through lotsa heartaches. all the goosebumps i get when i feel her emotion. omg.. sigh.. kelly i'm with u all the way!! <3
i wish i am able to sing better. i have no idea why i cant sing sigh. so many songs i would love to sing and sound ok with. but i just suck at singing. but music really gives me the chance to get into the moment with the song and just enjoy how it can really lift your spirits and put a smile on your face. but my smile gets wiped off instantly since ppl always tells me to shut up. urgh. i just wish i can sing better... i actually do love singing.. T_T
nuff said. i hope i get admitted to the course i want!! pleaseeeee let me in!
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
apply this submit that write achievements comment on intellect find a teacher referee your ass off oh my goodness still have to go back to camp on monday. AH!
alright. finally got myself to the library and laid hands on paulo coelho's famous book. THE ALCHEMIST! too popular not to read. i'll look retarded if people went "hey dont you just love Santiago's journey.." and i go "huh isnt he a soccer player?"
anyway, i love author's note. it just sets the tone for the entire book. the way he summarizes some simple observations of human behaviour totally stimulates you to reflect.
shall continue on my alchemist journey.. taaa~
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
pop loh! corny but appropriate. wheee. 11 days of civilian life.
i wonder why i never stood up to you and fight against the injustic of it all. perhaps you were intimidating, or i was a coward, or i was simply overly tolerant. mistake. and i realised it already. at least i wont ever see you again. i hope at least.
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Saturday, March 08, 2008
YES! i did well! ok secretly i hate myself for not doing even better. . . damnit. but still. did well! =DD
nxt worry is uni admissions. which fac and stuff. ah well. shall ask arnd. gonna slp soon. tired nuts!
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Saturday, March 01, 2008
alright. the first part of my ns journey is ending soon. i cleared all necessary requirements in my bmt and am ready to move on to the next chapter, preferably command school =DD. ah well. cant describe how glad i am right now, to have cleared ippt. YAYNESS.
i dont know why, but i keep thinking of what my platoon mate said to me. alex asked me if i cleared my ippt. after my positive reply, he went ,"i knew it" and gave me a smile. in my entire bmt i doubt i spoke to alex for even more den one accumulated minute. yet, that 2 seconds after ippt which that episode happened, the impact is still felt even after 15 hours. thank you alex. though you probably wont see this. i just wished i made more friends, esp with you guys from your section.
i regret not putting in more effort in bonding with my platoon mates. now that bmt is ending, issit too late to start? i admit i hated half the platoon in the beginning of bmt. everyone in e platoon hated at least half the platoon. from the start, exactly half the platoon was from jc and the other half is from poly/ite/phd/others. and to make matters worse, the jc kiddos were in exactly 2 bunks while the others were in the remaining 2 bunks. there was just instant discrimination. in the eyes of outsiders, we
were a disgrace. but now, we are one happy platoon. though more can be done, i am sure the quilt is already decently patched.
perhaps we were not yet mature during the beginning. perhaps we matured during this 9 wks after walking the bmtc journey tgt. or perhaps we just took our time and this outcome was inevitable. nonetheless, we are getting there, the final destination where we are one totally united platoon. =))
ok enough abt army. looks like a levels are gonna be out nxt friday. SOMEONE SAVE ME. please don let me down. please...
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