Tuesday, June 23, 2009
i have been questioned about my belief lately, that relationships and commitments are more a torment than a consented euphoria. frankly, i was pretty surprised that none of them whom i had at least a 10-12 year long friendship could fathom why i was The Cynical One.. all of them thought i was the Romantic, the one believing in true love, in the presence of The One Who Will Be My Better Half, the one who will stick around with someone through sickness and health, thick and thin till death do us part.
i hear people telling me the joys of being in love/relationship, of being able to spend intimate time with the special someone, of giving and taking, of consented compromising (i see it as compelled by the weight of the relationship), of sharing joys and sorrows, of having someone to look after you and watch out for you, of making each other feel loved and cared for and blahblahblahblah....
i really do not get it.
having a relationship with another completely different individual is imho, seeking strife. like francium and oxygen, 2 different elements with 2 completely different properties will react to form an explosive reaction. similarly, 2 different people with completely different likes and dislikes can never have a thoroughly blissful match-up. how does it match up?
of course here comes the talk about
COMPROMISE. yaddah yaddah yaddah. its all paraphrasing. how much can one "compromise"? its all
obligatory tolerance. obligated because of the relationship. obligated because you know morally you shouldnt piss off someone you are meant to be with. obligated because the other "half" is also doing it. one day, the dam of tolerance will overflow..
and all the talks about "compative level of assertiveness to reduce friction" is completely bullshit. it just means the final showdown is prolonged. no matter how giving the other individual is, there will come the time where there will be a sudden realization that "hey. why am i giving way? why should i change? why cant i have it my way?"
yeah yeah its not for the self centered. but isnt there a part in everyone who loves thyself? why surpress it or transfer it unto someone else who may not reciprocate the same way u do? why squander it all for the inevitable?
what about habits and lifestyles? more often than not, it is impeded and both individual ends up changing in the course of the relationship. for what? "compromise"? ppl may argue that it changes "for the better". but isnt the original you the person i made friends with/ fell in love with disappearing?
and on the same topic, the level of control each exerts on the other. how many occasions have there been white lies told?? theoretically, full disclosure is supposed to aid nurture a relationship, but will people really want to know the truth? there are definitely times when people attempt to bring back his/her past self by indulging in his/her old ways. but of course the "old ways" are supposedly gone to make room for betterment. den why do people try to indulge in themselves? cause deep inside you can never give yourself up! so why try to bend and conform to a mould that you set up for yourself by being with someone else?
i quote from anonymous "if you have the guts to cheat on me and know that its going to be a passing thing, you better fucking not let me know or dont ever let me find out. dont leave the ball in my court to decide to continue or break it off with u cause it will never be the same anymore". i admire this thinking. because within this relationship, the individual loves thyself more. and its very fair and sensible. look at the permutations to the amount of shit that can happen? why bother? love yourself more and stay single! the world is not going to be any more hospitable in the future. why bring offsprings into this world knowing full well that they will struggle and face inevitable apocalypse? it may not be the next generation but its definitely arriving exponentially.
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
it isnt dead lah.
i have been tired lately. like really really exhausted and not having any motivation to do anything. sucks to feel so drained. yuck. hate the amount of work i have to do too. so many reeaaaalllly administrative stuff. wish i can do purely controlling.
getting snappy and grumpy these days. duno if its the lack of rest or just the soul. i keep snapping at people. eeee. yuck.
feel like eating at aston's. prime ribeye with coleslaw and pasta salad medium rare.
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Saturday, April 25, 2009
ok... this place is screaming for an update.
i guess i have settled into some form of routine and am not bothered about many things anymore.
well, if only the pay can be more! =D
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009
responsibility.
its a fucking huge word. in fact, its larger than it seems.
i always thought i knew what it meant. until it really hits, no one really can fully comprehend its magnitude...
like a virus, it spreads contagiously and rapidly. one misstep and many others will fall into the pit which you have tried so hard to avoid..
or in this case, the pit u fucking dug.
u are the greatest asshole alive u know that. and your wife is the single biggest bitch i have ever encountered. i wont even talk about cleaning up your act cause your hands are just too short to wipe your asses already.
WHY DONT U 2 JUST FUCK OFF TO ANOTHER COUNTRY AND LEAVE US ALONE!
there is NO AMIABLE SOLUTION HERE. u either fucking LEAVE, OR YOU LEAVE. take your fuckin choices. i hope u take both. how dare u leave your shit like this
AND WHY DID WE BOTHER TO EVEN HELP. HUH. HUH. we must be too fuckin kind for our own good. YES. I BLAME IT ALL ON CHARACTER. ALL ON UPBRINGING. WE ARE JUST TOO FUCKING DAMN AWESOME FOR YOU!
if i were rich, i would buy u ppl 1 way tickets to a country of your choice. and give u money to last you this miserable lifetime of yours... if i were rich. u know what. wait for it. i'll be rich and i WILL BUY U THESE FUCKING TICKETS! NOW IN THE FUCKING MEANTIME, TAKE A FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK AND GO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE!
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