blooog

2009-06-23T21:15:00.002+08:00

i have been questioned about my belief lately, that relationships and commitments are more a torment than a consented euphoria. frankly, i was pretty surprised that none of them whom i had at least a 10-12 year long friendship could fathom why i was The Cynical One.. all of them thought i was the Romantic, the one believing in true love, in the presence of The One Who Will Be My Better Half, the one who will stick around with someone through sickness and health, thick and thin till death do us part.

i hear people telling me the joys of being in love/relationship, of being able to spend intimate time with the special someone, of giving and taking, of consented compromising (i see it as compelled by the weight of the relationship), of sharing joys and sorrows, of having someone to look after you and watch out for you, of making each other feel loved and cared for and blahblahblahblah....

i really do not get it.

having a relationship with another completely different individual is imho, seeking strife. like francium and oxygen, 2 different elements with 2 completely different properties will react to form an explosive reaction. similarly, 2 different people with completely different likes and dislikes can never have a thoroughly blissful match-up. how does it match up?

of course here comes the talk about COMPROMISE. yaddah yaddah yaddah. its all paraphrasing. how much can one "compromise"? its all obligatory tolerance. obligated because of the relationship. obligated because you know morally you shouldnt piss off someone you are meant to be with. obligated because the other "half" is also doing it. one day, the dam of tolerance will overflow..

and all the talks about "compative level of assertiveness to reduce friction" is completely bullshit. it just means the final showdown is prolonged. no matter how giving the other individual is, there will come the time where there will be a sudden realization that "hey. why am i giving way? why should i change? why cant i have it my way?"

yeah yeah its not for the self centered. but isnt there a part in everyone who loves thyself? why surpress it or transfer it unto someone else who may not reciprocate the same way u do? why squander it all for the inevitable?

what about habits and lifestyles? more often than not, it is impeded and both individual ends up changing in the course of the relationship. for what? "compromise"? ppl may argue that it changes "for the better". but isnt the original you the person i made friends with/ fell in love with disappearing?

and on the same topic, the level of control each exerts on the other. how many occasions have there been white lies told?? theoretically, full disclosure is supposed to aid nurture a relationship, but will people really want to know the truth? there are definitely times when people attempt to bring back his/her past self by indulging in his/her old ways. but of course the "old ways" are supposedly gone to make room for betterment. den why do people try to indulge in themselves? cause deep inside you can never give yourself up! so why try to bend and conform to a mould that you set up for yourself by being with someone else?

i quote from anonymous "if you have the guts to cheat on me and know that its going to be a passing thing, you better fucking not let me know or dont ever let me find out. dont leave the ball in my court to decide to continue or break it off with u cause it will never be the same anymore". i admire this thinking. because within this relationship, the individual loves thyself more. and its very fair and sensible. look at the permutations to the amount of shit that can happen? why bother? love yourself more and stay single! the world is not going to be any more hospitable in the future. why bring offsprings into this world knowing full well that they will struggle and face inevitable apocalypse? it may not be the next generation but its definitely arriving exponentially.

2009-06-10T20:16:00.002+08:00

it isnt dead lah.

i have been tired lately. like really really exhausted and not having any motivation to do anything. sucks to feel so drained. yuck. hate the amount of work i have to do too. so many reeaaaalllly administrative stuff. wish i can do purely controlling.

getting snappy and grumpy these days. duno if its the lack of rest or just the soul. i keep snapping at people. eeee. yuck.

feel like eating at aston's. prime ribeye with coleslaw and pasta salad medium rare.

2009-04-25T11:12:00.001+08:00

ok... this place is screaming for an update.

i guess i have settled into some form of routine and am not bothered about many things anymore.

well, if only the pay can be more! =D

2009-03-17T22:41:00.003+08:00

responsibility.

its a fucking huge word. in fact, its larger than it seems.

i always thought i knew what it meant. until it really hits, no one really can fully comprehend its magnitude...

like a virus, it spreads contagiously and rapidly. one misstep and many others will fall into the pit which you have tried so hard to avoid..

or in this case, the pit u fucking dug.

u are the greatest asshole alive u know that. and your wife is the single biggest bitch i have ever encountered. i wont even talk about cleaning up your act cause your hands are just too short to wipe your asses already.

WHY DONT U 2 JUST FUCK OFF TO ANOTHER COUNTRY AND LEAVE US ALONE!

there is NO AMIABLE SOLUTION HERE. u either fucking LEAVE, OR YOU LEAVE. take your fuckin choices. i hope u take both. how dare u leave your shit like this

AND WHY DID WE BOTHER TO EVEN HELP. HUH. HUH. we must be too fuckin kind for our own good. YES. I BLAME IT ALL ON CHARACTER. ALL ON UPBRINGING. WE ARE JUST TOO FUCKING DAMN AWESOME FOR YOU!

if i were rich, i would buy u ppl 1 way tickets to a country of your choice. and give u money to last you this miserable lifetime of yours... if i were rich. u know what. wait for it. i'll be rich and i WILL BUY U THESE FUCKING TICKETS! NOW IN THE FUCKING MEANTIME, TAKE A FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK AND GO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE!

2009-03-16T23:14:00.002+08:00

i've been thinking lately... thinking about thinking. until i realized that i am thinking about thinking about thinking and in actual fact, nothing was thought. and to make stuff worse, all the thinking havent resulted in any real action..

sigh. i am such a chronic procrastinator. sometimes i wish i have more will power..

yeah i know. i am on a rocking chair. doing something but in actual fact, going nowhere..

so i've decided! i am going to make the call to arrange for the appointment! wooots. proud of myself.

RETARD!

anyway, all e best to me. hope to get into aust uni.. =)

2009-03-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

i am capricious. damn right.

maybe its a good thing. reminds myself that i shouldnt be happy with what i got right now and should work harder for better.. =\

or it just means i nd a twin pint ben and jerry's ice cream...

i keep hoping to find saisfaction, but its just not finding me. wonder if i am putting enough effort...

2009-02-25T21:16:00.002+08:00

i saw the prettiest rainbow today.

yeah it was even reported on tv. haha many people called in to news hotline to report the rainbow. haha.

it was a really beautiful full-fledge semi-circle. like a decoration hanging on an arched doorway. it stretched from ground to ground (in my field of vision). a beautiful semi-circle. i read online that rainbows are actually circular but we only see a semi-circle because the horizon blocks e other half. cool huh.

usually for e rainbows that i see, i only see a short arc. but today's was utterly mesmerizing. a total semi-circle. like those fairy tales kind. got e pot of gold at the end or smth... *dreamy*

and, i found myself smiling when i saw the rainbow. i kept my eye on the rainbow while walking to the bus stop, afraid that any second from there, i would lose sight of the rainbow.

actually scientifically, it is impossible for the rainbow to just disappear. it has to dim away. wah lau din know mah.

but oh well. going home from work is always a happy walk. but seeing that rainbow made my walk more pleasant. wheee.

2009-02-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

alright. this place needs an update. so heres one.

well.. lets just say i am settling down.

i love ben and jerrys. i love it even more when its cheaper in pairs.

i wonder what lies ahead.... and i wonder if i have enough courage. =/

2009-02-15T02:07:00.002+08:00

well.. theres nth left to say.. =)

may we all find satisfaction in our daily lives.

2009-02-03T00:20:00.004+08:00

i swear there is such a thing as quarter life crisis. and i will tell you the symptoms

1)you keep wondering what you should be when you grow up
2)you think about what you are doing right now and you wonder if this is what you should be doing
3)you sigh heavily but you dont know why
4)you feel dissatisfied but from a material standpoint, you are perfectly fine.
5a)you cant stand how kids behave
5b)you cant stand how some adults behave
6)you are stuck between the adult and the teenage world.
7)you wonder what else u can do.
8)and you blog stupid stuff.

yeah. -.- quarter life crisis strikes...... and i still duno what is the pivoting symptom.

2009-01-27T01:29:00.002+08:00

heres the customary line.. happy lunar new year!

sigh.. why why why. why cant i have home cooked mee pok dry and not wash the dirty bowls.

i dont knw what i am talking about lah. sian.

blogs are superficial. and it took me awhile to see this. sian.

2009-01-24T03:06:00.003+08:00

i know i keep stabbing myself. i know i am stupid. i purposely set myself up for the traps i can see. and i always fall right into it, every single last one of the traps.

why do i keep expecting something i know i wont get..? why do i keep believing that someday somehow i would receive what i deserve for giving what i gave?

and yah. why must i tolerate? i keep telling ppl to tolerate, to make peace, to keep the fabric. but when ppl ask why is it at their expense, i can no longer give an ans. in fact now, i am questioning myself. why should i tolerate? why cant others tolerate? why should i get the shorter end of the stick just so that nothing breaks? can anyone tell me why? why issit at my expense?

it takes 2 hands to clap. duh. but everytime the sound doesnt come out, i will always analyze myself first and blame myself. am i demanding too much from myself? until the point when i give too much but cant receive back my expectations?

forget it. i know e ans myself. . . such a vicious cycle.. eventually i am still blaming myself for having high expectations....

2009-01-15T20:45:00.002+08:00

i need to learn to count my blessings. if i have to score myself, its a pretty good score actually. but i just dont feel as contented as i should be. zzz. maybe its e lack of sleep that is making me snappy and grumpy. yeah. i aint having my 14hours of rest for a long long time...

2009-01-11T22:18:00.002+08:00

Since U Been Gone

alright. shall do this thingie. seems kinda fun. ask questions and answer with song titles.. ..
shall use songs from my ipod.

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on Shuffle
2. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
3. Put any comments in brackets after the song name

1. What is your motto?
You Don't Know My Name - Alicia Keys
(.... well....)

2. What do your friends think about you?
My Destiny - Katharine Mcphee
(where is this leading to?!)

3. What do you think about very often?
Other Side Of The World - K T Tunstall
(mm... well i do daydream of going on some exotic maldive island holiday..)

4. What is 2+2 ?
You Are So Beautiful - Taylor Hicks
(i know its 4!!)

5. What do you think of the person you like?
Lets Hear It For The Boy - Vonzell Solomon
(for the record, i'm straight... lol)

6. What is your life story?
Diary - Alicia Keys
(penned down daily in my handwritten diary... ok not daily. . )

7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Karma - Jessican Mauboy
(i'll be in everybodys' conscious.. muahaha.)

8. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Disco Mdley - Donna Summers
(*shakes some ass* lol....)

9. What do your parents think of you?
I Still... - Backstreet Boys
(I STILL WHAT?!?! OEI!! still a brat? still fat? still short? WHAT?!)

10. What will you dance to at your wedding?
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
(*grins* i will so play that song. absolutely enchanting..)

11. What will they play at your funeral?
Try A Little Tenderness - Taylor Hicks
(i dont like taylor.. and hey.. its my funeral! smth less upbeat plzz)

12. What is your hobby/interest?
The Moment - Stephanie Sun
(the moment of what? -.-)

13. What is your biggest secret?
Shi Jie Mo Ri - Jay Chou
(translates to "doomsday" to all u potatoes out there. lol. maybe i have some awesome power.. =D)

14. What do you think about your friends?
Trust Me - The Fray
(sure anot... lol. )

15. What's the worst thing that could happen?
爱情证书 - Stephanie Sun
(lol. i dont understand the title. =X but i think its about love.. right?? help me translate leh! lol)

16. How will you die?
Long Juan Feng - Jay Chou
("tornado" in chinese... OMG. i'm actuall gonna die in a tornado. lol..)

17. What is the one thing you regret?
Ju Hua Tai - Jay Chou
("chrysanthemum terrace". i'll look out for one from now on.. lol)

18. What makes you laugh?
Unchained Melody - Clay Aiken
(lol. make me out to be so sadistic. ok lah. maybe when twits like me try and sing the high note..)

19. What makes you cry?
End Of The World - Blake Lewis
(sobs. actually i cry quite easily over sad stuff..)

20. Will you ever get married?
Shape Of My Heart - Backstreet Boys
(ok.. is that a no?)

21. What scares you the most?
Infatuation - Maroon 5
(having one makes it hard to manage... but scary meh.. haha.)

22. Does anyone like you?
Knocks Me Off My Feet - Elliot Yamin
(sounds pretty impactful. haha.)

23. If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
Judges Medley - Top 12 (American Idol Season 3)
(YA LOR. i love jennifer hudson. she got booted too early)

24. What hurts right now?
Longer - David Archuleta
(i can see the dirty looks being shot at me already. HAHAHA)

25. What would you post this as?
Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
(sure...)

2009-01-06T23:31:00.003+08:00

honestly, i dont like singapore drama shows. the characters irk me. seriously. i just watched this "reunion dinner" show on channel 8. it is now showing in e time slot the little nyonya used to show. ok that nyonya show is pretty good actually. good characters, good plot.

but the thing that irks me about these drama shows is how they use CHILDREN in their plots. this reunion dinner casted the children as rude little indignant pricks who are consumed in their bad habits of internet, handphones, psp and wadever u can think of. oh so portraying lil kids acting like this is entertaining?! i hardly think so. the more i watch it, the more i can see where kids can learn their actions from. in the show, the kids retort to their parents and even curse them. so is this acceptable?? the kid in the show gets away with it leh. wont your kid watch, learn and improvise? and its quite all-encompassing also leh, to give it some "credit". showing kids from pri 2 up to sec sch, literally giving them a guide. this isnt even some censorship issue but clearly a case of feeble castings! and when u talk to kids sometimes, they just say "oh on tv also lidat".. i am not surprised leh. the tv shows are encouraging kids to become little tykes. i admit that i am super strict (to kids at least). if its me i'll just slap the kids i am takin care of if they retort me like that. *imagines in glee*

why cant kids be more well behaved. i hate misbehaving kids. really hate. really really really hate. how can kids be allowed to behave like this?! they dont knw SHIT. i'll nvr allow kids under my charge to misbehave. its such a bad reflection on the upbringing, the guardianship, and the teachings!

i like kids.. but with a time frame. from the moment they born up to around age 2, they are lovable. after that, urgh. they become tyrants. have u ever been to a restaurant and this lil kid talks loudly and starts banging his cutlery and cries. or how about a shopping mall when the kid wants to sit in this cute lil trolley car thing but the parents dont allow. or the kid wants to eat some shitty food but e parents refuse to buy. yes u get marthafarkingirritating children. urgh. wish i can just walk up to them and slap their faces 3 times. the first time to shock them, second to balance the other side of e face. and third time to satisfy myself. ok kidding. second time is when they start crying louder. they confirm will. den u tell them to stop crying. den u slap them a third time so that they will stop crying. well, if they dont stop, just revel in repeating the third slap.

URGH. i hate whiny kids.

gosh. i sound scary. hahaha. well, kids cant fight back, can they? haha

2009-01-02T18:02:00.003+08:00

i dont know why i am blogging this.. but...

all the world's a stage
and the men and women merely players

not pawns, oh dear no. merely players, playing a role that will have their best interests at heart.

no one is really truly expressing the truth. that everyone is merely creating stories tht are to their best interests. to put it severely, everyone lies. everyone lies about something, one way or e other. and the people who still tell e truth are e people who will get hurt at e end of e day, when the people who lie get away with it. no i am not advocating lying. but i am not advocating telling the truth either. we have to lie to a certain degree. .

its about finesse. not making it look like a lie. you just dont have to tell e truth. or u just dont have to reveal e truth. its also about balance. not over lying, and also not lying about issues that are too big.. a skilled player gets his/her way of course, and leaves an everlasting impeccable impression that speaks volumes.

yes its superficiality. thats e one word i wanna stem my entry from. its all images. impressions. superficial acts that seems larger den what they really are. and its a fact. if one dont follow suit, he/she is at the losing end already. . . tv shows always dramatize how the truth is always revealed... but no one notices how much a price e protaganist always had to pay. . .

no one tells e truth. everyone's a player..

and clearly riding on this tragedy, are people who judge others based on what they see, but not what they fully comprehend. urghhhh. i reaaalllyy cannot get over this. i just dont understand how people are able to make comments about a situation based on face value.. is this how superficial people really are?!

2008-12-29T22:25:00.001+08:00

TODAY IS MY FIRST DAY IN UNIT! wheee. and i totally wrecked a radar console. lol. ok not wreck. i dont even know what happened. it just started beeping incessantly when i was sitting at its position. oops.

wheee. paya lebar airbase is so near home! and i can learn driving now! hahahaha. =D

the place is huge maaan. and really foreign. definitely expected since its my first day there. i really miss e familiar feel of air force school, which coincidentally is right next to paya lebar air base. makes me miss afs more and makes me feel even more outta place. oh well. i got a whole year to get used to it. i am sure i will enjoy myself. everyone is so nice and warm! cant wait till L comes in. maybe it wont seem to foreign anymore.

gotta slp soon. needa report at 6am tmr for runway inspection.

@_@

2008-12-26T01:32:00.002+08:00

wow. its been a year. a year since e last christmas. a year since i was still a civilian. a year since i was a college kid.

a year later... its another xmas. a military personnel. the same journey, albeit a diff pace.

its that time of the year i guess. when we look back at what happened in the past year and contemplate about what we've overcame whilst looking forward. what a difference one year made. . i feel so much older. so many experiences. so much learning. yet its only a year.

feels pretty good actually, to have went through shit and coming out. granted i didnt exactly go brunei and experience the cruel and unforgiving jungles that other officer cadets underwent.. but i am sure the volume of learning is still as much even though the content is definitely different..

i aim to be more precise in understanding and action. and i aim to be stronger and firmer.

and of course, i aim to be less judgemental. and i hope people are less judgemental. i mean. its not fair what. duh first impressions count. but what abt using ONE instance and using it to judge? just because i went to mac twice in a week coincidentally doesnt mean u pass a judgement "wah u everytime go mac". passing judgements and assumptions abt habits and choices based on isolated incidences are just so misguided. yeah i saw a dark brown vest and i think its nice. so what. doesnt mean i am deeply infatuated with brown vests and any vest that isnt brown is grotesque. and it doesnt mean i wont look at other colors!

and its not just limited to choices.. lifestyles are also so frequently judged. and they always HAVE to see you at the WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT and conveniently judge u. i get it. impressions are what matters. thats how brutal it is. if only ppl ask questions instead of making statements...

2008-12-24T00:33:00.002+08:00

oh. my. gawd. i have just found a perfect place in tanjong pagar and i KNOW I WANNA STAY THERE IN THE FUTURE.

its totally gor-or-gee-us. click this and check out the pictures.

breathless. the pool is amazing with all those cute deck chairs that i always wanted to own. but they have it EVERYWHERE. its huge and round and have LOTSA CUSHIONS! u can laze on it with a friend or 2 and drink pina colada. and e pool area is so HUGE and has so many amenities. and e bbq area is AMAZING. like a total kitchen on its own with bar tops and CUSHIONED SEATS. and wow wow wow the clubhouse area at 31st floor. *drools*. every 4 to 5 steps is like a private lil hang out area. separated by plants, there are huge sofas and chairs and tables and jacuzzis on its own with a shower, toilet and a steam room! and they can overlook e city or e sea port area since its 360 degrees. omg. i need to stay there.

OMG.

i need to earn my own keep. haha. i wanna stay there! those kinda young executives earning big bucks and staying there.. ahhh. i should get a unit for my parents also. they'll looo-urrrr-veeeee that place. ahhhh.

2008-12-23T01:13:00.003+08:00

i have so much to say!

first of all, I AM USING MY NEW MACBOOK TO BLOG THIS ENTRY! thats right!!! my new macbook! *plays drums* woohooooo. *kisses my macbook all over*

HOWEVER, its uber pissing me off. i mean, its SO DAMN different from windows. like duh of course. but its pretty hard to adapt. like e msn is a watered down version. i cant do a lotta stuff. i dont have microsoft office. damnit i may hafta buy. e screen and web browsers are so different from windows its gonna take a while to get used to. but e lil functions built in are pretty sweet though. haha.. shall take time to get used to it.

that aside, i feel like buying a sleeve for my mac book. its like 50 bucks. but i nd money to get e office suite. any donators? xmas is coming.... *grins*

anyway, i went on a MAJOR shopping spree. compulsive buying actually. damn. i am going to STOP. i swear. i am going to stop shopping.

for this year.

anyway, i met this seriously wonderful lady who lent me her isetan card to get 10 dollar discount voucher. how nice. feeling xmas-ey already. ahhhh. maybe i should donate more to e next donation can i see..

i am so fat i need liposuction. i cant stand it. my thigh bulges like some overstuffed xmas stocking. and no they aint gifts from santa. urgh.

and oh oh. the macbook feels soo good.

and it looks really good...

ok i need to sleep. its like almost 2am. ahhh. night!!

2008-12-20T02:48:00.002+08:00

changed my picture. AGAIN. ya. e previous one was pretty retarded lah. flakes so huge and the snowman so high up. =X hahaha.

2008-12-16T19:21:00.003+08:00

whee. a new skin! AGAIN. this time its more pleasing to e eye lah. e previous one seriously yucked me out after 2 hours. urgh.

a desperate attempt to make it MORE xmas-sy with the color palette. hope it doesnt hurt e eye.... do leave comments! =)

lovely tuesday. i had like 14hours of sleep. ahhhh~ what a day it has been. beautiful~

going cruise tmr on the star virgo. second time going cruise!! i rmb going once but i only rmb the arcade and the dining area. maybe this time i'll walk arnd more. the last time i went i prob was still in pri sch. =/

cant wait to go unit and see what its like. i'm posted to plab! =D its stay out and its SUPER NEAR HOME! wheeeee.!!!

gosh feeling fat again. shall go running later i guess. i nvr seem to be able to lose enough weight huh.. or rather, the lipids are liju-philic..

2008-12-15T18:23:00.003+08:00

commission lo! wheee. about time. gonna change my blogskin in next 24 hours. i think i gonna puke if i have to see it again. urgh.

anyway, YES i deleted some posts. first of all, that entry was for venting all my pent up frustrations. it really wasnt meant as a tool in any way. i didnt expect anyone from my camp to actually read it anyway, much less spread it around to other people to read. i dont publicize my blog and i have no idea how she got my blog address.. thats an interesting point, seriously.

second, i believe that it has been misinterpreted. yes i know its a public post. precisely why i took it down since it has served its purpose. ya ya you are gonna preach the "you should know better". true. i should have known better. BUT, that is also easy to say on hindsight. like if i knew better, i would have voted for al gore. if i knew better, i would have bought 6829 instead of 2409. if i knew better, i would have come later at 9.30 instead of 6.30. blah. if i really knew better, i wouldnt even be frustrated in e first place

to u and in your definition, i may be some hypocrite who cyber-backstabs people simply because i put up a positive front but on the internet, i blog entries that do not tally with my front. however, the intention was as stated already, to vent out my anger. i have already gotten over the issues and i expect myself to resume normalcy and carry on like it never happened (although it doesnt mean that i will forget this). i know i HAVE been carrying on with things as per normal because my course is over and there is nothing to do already. but the issues with my entry have only arised recently, which also calls for an explanatory entry

so, call me a hypocrite if u wan. i have already stated my intentions.

perhaps this is what make me different. i get over my issues with people and carry on. because my issues in that entry were work related. i'll be more alert during work nxt time of course.. it has been a great learning experience. beyond work i know i still can hang out with them. it will more or less depend on their reception.

definitely wasnt the bestest way to iron out issues. but to me, i'd rather bury issues but keep a better lookout rather den "thrash it out with the other dude". u have ur style, i respect it. keep thrashing it out man. u rawk. just butt out from the way i handle my issues.

anyway, i was quite shocked when i saw The Fuckface reading my blog. yeah, i still wanna vent out some frustrations. so gross, i went into the recre room and saw him reading my blog. he immediately changed window and pretended that nothing was happening. sneaky.. den after reading my blog, i can literally feel him gossiping about me whenever i walk past him. like i cant see him casting glances at me and talking to other people. and oh oh oh, just becoz i merlion at zouk, this Fuckface assumes that i puked in ocs during the happy hour night! -he smelled some vomit in e mess and assumed it to be me. HAHAHA. wad a twerp. wonder if he laughs at himself for being ugly since he laughs at other ppl for being ugly. . i somehow regret apologizing to him when i accidentally step on his foot in the lecture theatre. urgh..

2008-12-08T03:38:00.002+08:00

new skin! 3 hours to get it up. zzz. actually half the time was wasted on trying to get scroll bars for this box. oh well. at least its up.

went zouk ytd. drank. and puked. lol. we forgot it was 1 for 1 drinks! so we ordered ONE CUP potent drink but they gave us TWO. oh well. bu he bai bu he mah. so end up. all 3 of us merlion. lol. must watch the drinking liaoo...

yawns. time to rest. nightt

2008-11-16T16:57:00.004+08:00

alright, going to commission soon in about 4 weeks time. oh boy. i am dreading the fact that i am going back to ocs. its gonna be the hardest 3 weeks. i haven been knocked down into a push up position in year for punishment. urgh.. its gonna be a culture shock. lets just pray i dont get turned out.

nonetheless, i'm gonna commission soon! cant wait! and den, i'll start another chapter of my life. yeah yeah~

gotta go clear my room. its hell messy

2008-10-27T20:54:00.002+08:00

alright. time to blog. not that there is a "time to blog" per se. but its just that i need to update it coz it looks dead. tsk tsk..

topic for this entry today shall be.....

Journey

ok lah. this is kinda inspired by my officer back in ocs when i was still in army wing.. "hope you guys will remember have many stories to tell. and that, it will eventually build up to the biggest story about you".

cant exactly remember exactly what happened.. but the idea of recording stories really attracts me. makes me feel proud of what i overcame, of what i experienced, gives me strength.

shall post up a few stories soon.. and well. u guessed it. first one would be my weight loss journey! =D.

2008-10-15T19:25:00.002+08:00

zzz. assessment is coming. and i am screwing up my practical slots. no good no good.

i'm worried sick. tell me i'm gonna pass....

sigh. .

2008-10-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

time to update! i dont know what to blog about!

finally e weekends. well needed break. assessments are coming. really hope i can perform to my utmost best.

hectic. hectic. hectic. feel so squeezed. must take leave soon. haha..

2008-09-28T00:04:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to meeee. =)

i'm so much fatter this week than last week. this is a nightmare. i couldnt even wear my jeans today. all e food this 2 weeks are really beginning to show their true colours. nvm! its just this 2 weeks. and if i dont rmb that i have ippt this fri, its not so bad.

i know this crush aint going away~

david archuleta rocks

2008-09-20T15:24:00.003+08:00

ok. this blog post is just gonna be abt me and how omfg-ly fat i was. for those who dont know, i used to be 80kg at 165cm. at my "peak". now, i'm 65kg at 165cm. (YES I NVR GREW. LIFE'S A BITCH)

so anyway, i was in taf club since kindergarten. and... i found my old files. i was like hell fat. heres one.
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HELLO. omg i look like some stuffed meat pao lah! THE STOMACH! OMG. it forking BULGES. its so gross! wtf th shirt is XL size somemore. look at those arms! OMG. its soooo stuffed!! are those even fingers?!!? how did i even hold my stationery?! omg. the fats in my face are blocking all my features lah. where are my EYES?! omg. i have like twenty chins.

omfg. i have others. but they are too indecent. lucky me.

slimmer so much nw. phew.

2008-09-18T20:26:00.002+08:00

scum.

some people just do not realize that they are not the only person on this earth. i simply cannot tolerate being with people who are unable to see that fact and act as though the whole world only revolved arnd him/her.

"i think that..."
"i say that we..."

i

say that you open up your eyes and see that you are not the only entity able to make decisions.there should be a compromise lor. you definite did not make any significant effort at all and what u think was effort in accomodating was only because u would have hated the same thing done to you. dont think i dunno. you are not really acknowledging the existence of other persons. i can tell.

over and above the fact that you are selfish, u display inadequacy in social graces and general behaviour. forget it. i dont even know why i am even bothering. . . you just piss me off.

you and me are like fire and methane gas. i am warm and bright.(hannah hannah. can see u rolling ur eyes) you just wanna destroy our ozone layer and subsequently, the world. and we cannot coexist together.

2008-09-14T00:54:00.003+08:00

the libra speaks.

he says, he needs to slim down and he needs to earn more money.

damn. lovin david archuleta's new single. i know this crush aint going away... its driving me nuts thinking abt it

2008-09-12T17:46:00.002+08:00

i stole this from samantha. who stole it from her friend's blog. who probably stole it from. . .

Libra and Independence:
Libras like to be around other people, they are all about partnerships and groups. They are happiest when other people are around and when other people are doing their work. They are lazy but like posh surrounding and nice decor. These two extremes could strike a balance and the Libra living on his own could either have a very messy place or a very intricately decorated place. They can be independent, they have the intelligence and the full capability within but would a Libra rather co-exist/depend on others.

Libra and Friendship:
Libras love excitement, new situations, adventure and the unusual. They make friends with people from all walks of life and they are always up to something new and exciting with enthusiasm. Libras are great at getting along with people, everyone likes a Libra. They are all about partnerships and groups, they are the glue that hold a group together because they are the ones responsible for keeping harmony and peace. Libras have mastered the art of relationships, not just romantic but business, personal, and family relationships just to name a few. No one is able to see another person's point of view better then a Libra.

Libra and Business:
Libras dislike hard work, they are lazy when it comes to getting their hands dirty and doing the work themselves. Fortunately, their intuitive instincts are good at telling them where money can come from. They can think up great business ideas that are original and bound for success, they can initiate the idea but they need someone else to do the work. Libras make good business partners but not good business people on their own. Libras have potential of being a good leader with their diplomatic ways, but but they are just too lazy to do the hard work required and climb a corporate ladder. A good way for Libra to become wealthy is through artistic endeavors. They can be painters, interior decorators, actors or writing screenplays or composing. These are great ideas because it incorporates Libra's hobby with a moneymaking venture.

Libra and Temperament:
Libras have excellent instincts and intuition, most of the time they do not trust them enough. Libras are likely to be underachievers due to the easygoing attitude. This does not mean that they are necessarily lazy, they just make do with whatever comes their way. They do not want anything badly enough to fight for it. The only time that a Libra will usually stand up is if a situation is unfair, the only time a Libra will definitely stand up is if they feel something involving them is unfair. They need their respect and their fairness, after all, Libra has done so much for other people, it deserves at least fairness, right? When this issue comes into play, Libra becomes courageous.

Libra Deep Inside:
They are also likely to hide or bend their own true feelings in order to bring peace with a group and to make others like them. Sometime this results in them not really knowing what their true feelings are because they are trying to make everyone happy. Other people can see this and Libras have earned themselves a reputation for being indecisive, they simply do not want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause disorder or friction in a situation. This spills over inside the person and many times, Libras have difficulty making decisions. Inside, the Libra is very insecure, they suffer from a lack of self confidence, they are always searching for something to complete them. This is another reason why they are social butterflies, it is an unconscious attempt to find the missing peace through other people. By trying to appease other people all the time, Libras don't really know who they are inside. Libras desperately need love and approval, they will do the favors that people ask and and have a hard time saying 'no' or 'I'm too busy' in order to prove how nice they are, this gradually builds up resentment and negative self esteem issues inside. Libra's indecisiveness is caused by fear, their fear that a wrong decision will make everything come crashing down around them and cause turmoil in their lives. Life is not like that and the Libra that acknowledges the fact that life has ups and downs will be less emotionally wound up, not so hard on themselves and as a result, they will be a much happier person.

Libra in a Nutshell:
Libras are the diplomat of the zodiac. They are able to put themselves in other's shoes and see things through another person's point of view. They are the ones that always want to make things right and have balance and harmony in their life, their surroundings and the lives of the people close to them. They have captivating charm, elegant taste and they are easy to like due to their eager-to-please, easygoing nature. In return for a Libra's amazing ability to be a good listener, sooth and calm people, they expect admiration. Libras will gather a group of people, everyone will become friends then the Libra will be in the center of the group. They like the attention and the admiration for the people that they have brought together. Libras are very intelligent, they often hide this inside their easygoing exterior. They express their intelligence through creativity, most are involved in some sort of artistic or creative pursuit. Many people overlook just how intelligent a Libra actually is. When others see a Libras wide range of interests and hobbies, their intelligence and creativity is more then obvious. Libras love variety and different situations. They welcome change. Libras love luxury. They will spend lots of money and surround themselves with beautiful things and they seem to be constantly fussing over their appearance. They love anything upscale and classy. Libras work hard to please others, this they do an others find them incredibly captivating.

i am a true blue libra. its so creepy. when reading this i was feeling totally dissected and peered into.

2008-09-12T00:05:00.004+08:00

damn. i am reeeaaaaallly gullible. like very gullible. totally.

i admit, i take things as face value and get easily deceived. ALL THE TIME!!

someone gimme a crash course on how to be un-gullible.

if only the world is beautiful and no one lied with intentions of deception.

but its ok. at least there are still people who still have that innocence and sincerity and i am glad we're friends. the world is not totally screwed up yet.

but i wonder... ...

will there be a time along my life when i totally am just e only one that sees things in the innocent way.. maybe i should just hang out with babies. i mean, they really duno how to tell a proper lie. they are really cute. they ask really straight forward questions. its amazing how they get to the point without wasting time. i like that innocence. i like that sense of simplicity. where ppl do not hold grudges against those lil kids and say nasty things to hurt them in response to the kids' blatant statements. i like the way we accomodate them. i like the way they grin broadly and shout "thank you" in gratitude. AND. i like the fact that they are small and light and can be carried around. i like their embrace and mine back in response to theirs because theres love. and i love how they show their unrestricted emotions through their facial expressions.

no i am not feeling paternal. =P i just need some lovin'

HAHA

ok i am reeeally naive. so what.

2008-08-30T22:30:00.002+08:00

bloated. somehow i just hate the fact that people (namely me actually, but i would like to futile-ly make it sound as objective as possible) gain weight if they(me) dont burn off the calories. irritating. there should be some biological system within s that auto removes more than is needed. tsk

2008-08-29T18:09:00.004+08:00

clearly, a classic example whereby a lack of long wordy elaborations that are coupled with multiple personal attacks as defence(yeap. spelt with a "C") on the side of the proposition (short of dedicating an entire post as a rebuttal) is misconstrued as being "stupid". haha. its pretty obvious the main focal points that were purposefully typed in caps were missed out. nonetheless, i shall refrain from dishing out more outright personal attacks than is needed to make my point. after all, the discussion wasn't about people..

its been a long week. on monday, i actually thought it was already friday and gasped out aloud when they told me it was only monday. waaaah. bad week.

its been about 23 weeks into this 38 weeks marathon. i need to see the end point. i'm running out of breath. ahhh.

is there anyone out there cause its getting harder and harder to breathe

2008-08-24T10:50:00.004+08:00

10km run is no joke. my legs are going on strike right now as i type this entry. think i can just go into a nap since i wont be moving around in a while. lol.

finally got my card reader back. lets check out if i can upload a picture....

yay! it works. this is my baby cousin. of course, the attention is on me, right? =D

2008-08-16T13:38:00.002+08:00

CONGRATS SINGAPORE TABLE TENNIS TEAM! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

was watching the match in camp before i left. i mean, its not every 4 years Sing wins e medal right. haha.

tell u, that Korean Park M Y is a tough nut to crack. amazingly tough nut. couldnt help but laud her in the middle of e game. =X. but den again, we won~. wheeee.!

honestly at the beginning i was pretty sceptical about the China import thingie that they are starting. u know, some foreign talent scheme for sports. i mean, truth is that we would rather a home grown talent represent us and win a medal wad. its like paying mercenaries!

but eventually during the game, its evident the flag that is on their shirts held more meaning than the origin of their blood. we were cheering like mad also for those ladies. even in public places people of all walks of life are showing full support in our medal quest. and better still, they were like screaming and crying in joy and celebrating the fact that our 48 year old drought ended.

and actually, we should also celebrate the fact that since Singapore is so cosmopolitan, it doesnt matter where our talents come from as long as they accept Singapore and we accept them. and woah, the ecstacy when we won, the tension when the match seems set to tip in either direction, the frustration when a seemingly open shot goes in the wrong direction. oh gawd. i love sports. and i love Singaporee. =))

looks like national spirit triumphs over blood origins.

secretly i think we can beat China for the gold. muahaha.

2008-08-10T14:01:00.002+08:00

psst. guess what?

i am no longer a virgin!

in clubbing. =X

went clubbing on friday night with my C3 course mates. had a half day and we out out for aerodrome lunch at pizza hut, then we went for wso dinner at jumbo serangoon. lol. superbly fun. had a lil karaoke session at jumbo and we all just anyhow sang. lol. so sickening i tell u. some of the mtv is just some random rip from london streets. wah lau. the worst was "Smack That". a screen of LYRICS. zzz.

anyway, went to double o with them. i was like severely underdressed. zzz. was wearing this plain green polo. wah lau. everyone else was in shirts. anyway, was sticking with ben els since we are e clubbing virgins. kinda toot looking. HAHA.

drank quite a bit. more den my usual anyway. hey kept buying drinks to share. a bit paiseh. must treat drinks in mess. lol. anyway, apparently we were too early. like 950 we there liao. no crowd no music. LOL. just drink and do nth. but woah. suddenly the music is distinctively different, and people ust chiong on and dance. WOAH. everyone rush. and the nxt 2 hours the music was just full of bass. lol. and they kept downing us drinks. just keep drinking and dancing. ok i admit i look more like some seaweed swaying in water den dancing. oh well. lucky its dark.

left at 12.30 lah. promised esley that we would leave early. oh well. wanted to stay on actually. but wonder if my mom will disown me if i come home drunk at 4am. HAHA.

2008-08-03T20:04:00.002+08:00

just watched batman last night. twice. muahaha.

why so serious..

that got to be the most famos line from the entire movie. but what really struck me was how harvey (the white knight who is like incorruptible) fell prey to joker and became a villain in the end.

madness is just like gravity. all it needs is a little push. the joker gave harvey a little push and converted him into a villain towards the end of the show.

reminds me of something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. alright alright shall announce to the world, i have a fear of cockroaches. yeap. those lil black bitches scare the shit outta me. so anyway, everytime i see a roach, i just avoid it. they just simply look creepy! the black shine and hairy legs. roaming feelers. occasional flutter of wings and the sick fluttering sound. YUCK. y didnt noah just kill those 2 roaches on his ark. tmd.

SO ANYWAY, i was sweeping up the garden a couple of weeks ago. was arguing with my mom over trimming the hugeass mango tree that we have. anyway i was telling my mom dat we should hire some contractors to shave e tree. den she was objecting to e idea. and we were arguing like mad. and i got really peeved. anyway, while sweeping the garden, this bitch of a cockroach ran towards me. normally, due to my lovely sweet compassionate nature, i would avoid it and jump away. ok partially becase of fear. this time. i stamped on it and smashed it into several pieces. was really pissed.

now that i watched the show, i was just wondering. how different am i from harvey dent? my usual personality of letting live and not killing just went out of the window instantly when i was fuming mad. i lost control of my senses and just took my anger out on that lil bitch. now if u throw me a cockroach, i would totally avoid it once again. so what is different from me now and me den? the temper. i dont know how to put it in words to describe what i really want to convey actually. perhaps its just an ackonwledgement that all it takes is just a minor impetus to change us and make us do what we usually do not do.. hah.

i'm just blabbing

2008-07-20T18:01:00.006+08:00

zzz. how i wish i am paid more in ns. liked 20times more. sounds good huh..

nothing much i want to say for this entry. just put in some crap here..

1. Beer: bitter. wonder why people like it.
2. Food: fried chicken wings from AFS mess. utterly orgasmic
3. Relationships: are everywhere.
4. Your crush: is still a crush.
5. Power Rangers: wah lau! around for how many gazillion decades and still modifying.
6. Life: needs rearrangement.
7. The President: some brand of cheese
9. Cars: mini cooper. preferably red.
10. Movie: stranger than fiction
11. Halloween: is non existent in Sg
12. Sex: and the city.
13. Religion: Buddhism
14. Friendster: is irritating. stop sending me updates!
15. Fear: cockroaches.
16. Marriage: expensive. extravagant. hassle.
17. Blondes: Marilyn Monroe. the classic.
18. Slippers: i think i have 6 pairs... and counting.
19. Shoes: leather ones are nice.. loafers!
20. Asians: are from asia. and they look asianic.
21. Pastime: sit and rot and stare at blank space while imagining that i do not have to go back and book in on sunday.
22. One night stands: siao. stand for one whole night leg not pain meh. zz.
23: Cell Phone: wow. i have nth to say for this actually. quite disconnected from media and devices for a while.. lol. hmmm. perhaps an iphone would be nice. =D
24: Smoke: waste of money.
25: FANTASY: rich and comfortable.
26: COLLEGE: is a very beautiful place.. sigh. but in the american context, my college days are 2 years away.
27: Highschool Life: in sg context, our jc. beautiful.. ahh.
28. Pajamas: currently? a brown army admin tee and black army shorts.
29. Stars: are lonely
30. Fitness Centre: california fitness one opposite heeren there. dun think i'll bother ever going one. lol
31. Alcohol: is my only known allergy by far. zzz.
32. Money: GIMME! MORE!!!
33. Heartache: is tragic. cant imagine the emotional rush. ahh.
34. Time: never enough during pleasurable moments.
35. Divorce: is also a hassle. just stay single lah!
36. Dogs: are cute until they piss u off.
37. Undies: are always taken for granted for. do u ever thank ur underwear? neither do i.
38. Mom: beautiful until they get irritating
39. Babies: are SUPER adorable!!! until they start talking back. knn.
40. Stripper: strips. dont we all before we bathe?
41. Blogs: weird. i still havent figure out why i like to read about other people's entries. however, there are enjoyable ones such as food blogs and travel blogs. not to forget entertaining ones with lotsa gossip and fugly pictures.
42. Weddings: good food. it better be good anyway.
43. Pizza: mmmm. the slim thin crust ones with black pepper sauce as base with hell lotsa cheese.
44. Kleenex : tissue paper?

2008-07-15T11:28:00.002+08:00

lovely tuesday morning and i am chilling at home. yay

went out yesterday after booking out to astons for steakk. yummyy. had this prime sirloin and potato salad and onion rings. maan missing the steak now. haha.

ahh well.

2008-07-06T10:22:00.002+08:00

what a monumental difference. last saturday vs this saturday.

this saturday, I WAS IN FREAKING CAMP DOING FREAKING GUARD DUTY.

i literally ate for 20 hours. gosh. my guard duty was on saturday 1pm till sunday 8am. here goes..

ate at home at 12pm. ate in camp at 1pm (camp packed lunch). ate second packet of packed lunch at 2.30. ate another packet at 3+. snacked on my own biscuits. dinner came at 5. ate till 6. ordered a medium pizza at 7. ate from 8pm - 2am and finishing up other ppl's pizza also. slept at 2-6. ate breakfast at 6.

HAHA. pig farm.

2008-06-29T01:38:00.003+08:00

seriously, i really really really feel that there are so little saturdays in this world. i just had a almost perfect saturday. wake up. eat. laze. nap. wake up. snack. laze. eat. laze.

ahhh. life is beautiful.

until my dad made me do some maintenance work on the roof. zzz. we got a huge mango tree growing at the side. the mangoes dropped all over e roof. since that roof area is not sloping, the mangoes just sat there, rain or shine, and just started rotting.

EEE

so forking gross. some are totally dried till there is only e seed and skin left. some are soggy and in the process of rotting. there was this particular mango which i lifted and THERE ARE MAGGOTS SQUIRMING AROUND. ohmygawd. urgh. worse, the maggots started moving off to find food since i removed their source of food aka rotting mango. MAGGOTS CAN ACTUALLY JUMP!. its a freaking cool mechanism. i was mesmerized for a while.they roll themselves into a U shape and den straighten themselves into a I shape with such intensity that they springs off. for like 20seconds there were about 6 or 7 maggots jumping arnd like dancing water droplets. wow. it was just mesmerizing. true blue biologist eh. LOL.

other than that, i really love my saturdays. big fluffy pillows, me lying and rolling on e cool tile floor with gentle drafts blowing back with the perfect intensity, tranquil atmosphere, low lighting. ahhhh. my perfect saturday pick-me-up from a week of tough training.

seriously. there are so little saturdays in this world...

2008-06-28T00:16:00.003+08:00

just had a VERY bad week.

i cannot emphasize any more on how bad this week was without using vulgarities. just very bad.

its beginning to eat into me. the toughness of training for my vocation aka C3. not easy being controller AT ALL. not easy. its just a BAD WEEK. i have to bring my morale up. i dont know how. but i need to. ahh. this calls for chocolate and retail therapy.

bad week.

2008-06-22T02:48:00.002+08:00

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

love this song. go kelly clarkson.. u are the best

wanted to blog about difference in spending habits and how people with different spending habits often conflict.. but the song just got to me.

are u there... are u watching me

and . . .just love the dark negative spirit of the album and how it just syncs in with my mood... i could replay My December and just wallow in my dark thoughts and feelings..

i'll take the Chivas instead...

2008-06-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

congrats to those who felt love their posting.

but honestly, is there nothing else to talk about other than NS? its really getting on every single nerve in my body. sigh.

anyway, feeling grumpy cause the shopping trip is postponed. shall go shopping also anyway. den go shopping again. spread out my expenditure. lol.

watching Premonition on channel u now. horror movie. peeing in my pants. lol. yea yea i know i am a scaredy cat. meow.

dreaming of a sweeter tomorrow. hah. why am i never satisfied? i dont know. greedy me.

2008-06-16T20:02:00.003+08:00

GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!!!

gonna buy buy buy buy buy and splurge my hard earned cadet pay. MUAHAHA

zzz. went parkway today with my mom. saw this nice pair of nike shoes. 30% discount leh! FREAKING DONT HAVE MY SIZE.

zzz. pissed. went over saw giordano having sale. WHEEE. linen bermudas. =DD. ONCE AGAIN NO SIZE.

so irritating. nvm. lucky bought a nike bottle. appeased.

but FREAKING NO DISCOUNT. urgh. tmd.

HAD to get a cone of my favourite durian ice cream. nvm. at least got bottle and ice cream.

wheee going shopping with davis jeremy sheldon and ruilong this coming saturday. gonna buy my berms and shoes and jeans. maybe gonna buy a nice bag and slippers. zzz. gonna burn my pocket. den sunday going out with michelle peisi and kenneth for a movie. ahhh. life is sweet. until my cadet pay is completely used up. which i predict is this sunday. SIAN.

2008-06-15T17:33:00.002+08:00

i wonder.. whats it like to pass on. to lose consciousness. what will my senses sense next...?

i keep thinking of my own consciousness. i wriggle my fingers and my toes and notice how they move.. but what if, i pass on? where will my consciousness go? what will i feel next? will i still feel the wind blowing from the oscillating fan right beside me now? or will i, according to religious doctrines, be in some afterlife? would i STILL feel my fingers, the wind, the taste of chocolate, the touch of people that i love? or suffer in some forsaken place... zzzz...

heard a discussion on what is life a few days back in the computer lab btwn a group of guys. basically one guy was the doubter who picked on every single word the other guys said. one gave up explaining. more importantly, one guy said that to him, life is about living for a non-material concept eg love, friendship. blahh. something that gives meaning. something that gives u the urge to wake up in the morning. and of course, the doubter went "for that statement to hold, e concept must not be time dependent. what if it was? would u...." (ten minutes more of such stuff)

anyway. this is my blog so shant dwell on them. to me, i think life is experiencing a package. your consciousness (the ability to control your actions), your senses (all 5 of them), your emotions and feelings (to love, to hate, to enjoy). not an exhaustive list btw..

without any single component, one would be considered to be suffering from a defect ie retarded, diseased, handicapped. that is to say, one is not having the whole package ie not experiencing a complete life. over and above this, life is about opening this package and embracing all the components in its entirety. when all these components play out together, to me, that is the symphony of life.

sigh.

2008-06-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

life just aint what you expect it to be.

although i nvr really knew Clifton, but the sight of his picture on the front page just sends chills down my spine.

he really is gone...

i am still trying to work on coming to terms with this piece of news. to me, with all due respect, i have realised that i am more distraught aboout the news that a friend of mine has passed on. its no longer simple and sweet. no longer the innocent life. no longer a child.

its the truth. such emotional surges dont happen to children. this is the first time a friend of my age passed on. this is the real thing. its not smth so simple like waking up, going to work, doing that thing u do every single day, coming back home and eating what your mom cook (or whatever that is on the table). i know it sounds moronic but life has never seemed more real to me. maybe its just me. maybe its because i have been taking it lightly. maybe i have been complacent and that such a tragedy wont happen to me. but i will never know if i have JUST narrowly missed it. all those talk about life is short and fleeting never seemed so real before.

i know you have moved on to somewhere better. i know i shouldnt cry and be happy for you, but i am not good at holding back my tears. being part of the firing party is all i can do for you... rest well...

But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closin'.
*
*
But it's over now.
Go on and take a bow.

2008-06-01T01:31:00.002+08:00

hmmm. 1.30am on a saturday morning and i have a burning urge to blog. haha.

in my ocs days during air force service term, i actually had to do a book review. when i was in the afst, i was thinking to myself, "wtbf, so eng until must do project and do bk review." right now, i feel extremely thankful that i actually did those 2 items.

for the project, the info that i have learnt from my own project has aided my understanding of air force knowledge and concepts that are taught in afs. furthermore since everyone else did other project titles and presented to us, we learnt about other topics and i have managed to draw connections between the project work and the air knowledge we are learning right now. and for discussions, these prior knowledge have actually helped us make more fruitful contributions.

for the book review, i had to review this book, Leadership and the New Science. and personally, i am experiencing first hand how accurate this book is. shall share it with my dearest reader, you.

my biggest takeaway from the book was that "effort should be put into enhancing and encouraging relationship building rather than on solutions and role dividing" the rationale in the book was that if people in the team have good relationships with one another, efficiency and results would arise from among themselves naturally through this supposed chaos as long as they know what the end goal is.

to me its really true. in afst, i really did not have any good relationship with anyone in my flight/team/platoon. therefore, i did not feel the sense of belonging and i did not give anything. i just steered cleared of everything that has to be done and kept really low. half-fucked job, as the guys in army would say. however when it came t logistics, i willingly gave my effort because the log team of the whole air wing (wysen sharon sirui and i) are very chummy. we had good relationships with one another. we willingly offered for anything and there was joy in our work. with joy comes the pride that the work done must be stellar. after afst and into afs, i was more receptive and more efficient as i had better relationships with all the c3 dudes. right nw, i am giving more than what i gave in afst. and furthermore, i enjoy it. and with that joy, comes the pride that what i give is not sub-standard

i cant say the same for everyone because others may be perfectionists and hence, abhore half-fucked shit and wont degrade themself to producing sub-standard results. but i can honestly point out that the process of production would monumentally different.

relationships really matter. because once u feel that u belong, u dont mind putting in the effort, the energy, the zeal into the end-cause.

the main reason why one shouldnt be establishing roles and objectives without first encouraging relationship-building is because segmenting a team stifles creativity. one dont have to give more than what is needed because there is a line. its already under somebody else's jurisdiction. why bother? although the initial state may be chaotic, order would emerge eventually once the team, as a whole, together, knows what has to be done. people would volunteer to do certain issues they feel that they are good at. people would be more receptive to one another and their suggestions. people are able to be themselves, not be restrained by roles and rules but rather, open up and contribute in many different areas.

dont get me wrong, the entire organization need nt be ONE team. but there should be many teams with gd r/s throughout the tier. bsides, different tiers dont usually mix. not the point. point is, relationships makes sense in the work. one is no longer doing just to finish it. one enjoys the process of working AND gets paid for it.

2008-05-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

alright, just had like the slightest sample of what is to come for my vocation in Air Force. basically i am going to train to be a air controller versed in aerodrome/precision approach radar. basically in control tower clearing planes for takeoff and landing. i really must do it well.. ahhh. i can be certified and work internationally in aerodromes all over. =DDD thats if i cant make it in corporate. its a good skill to have i guess.

lectures are amazingly insane. the notes are really several mouthfuls. and there is a LOT to memorize. seriously its not as slack as people think it is. i mean, everything is only slack once u mastered it lor.

simplicity is complexity mastered

i am gonna work my ass off for this. i AM! shall rest properly this wkend.

love the people in my vocation. we are one wacky bunch. haha. seriously fun.

well, i am e logistics guy again~. hope i dont screw it up. so far, i realized that a notebook and pen with a to-do list is an absolute must in order not to screw up. and everyone is inter-dependent. team work team work!

2008-05-25T01:01:00.001+08:00

zzz. predictable, the way u look at me.

2008-05-24T15:41:00.003+08:00

i have just had an alcoholic week. zzz. and a rash is appearing all over. looks like i am allergic to higher amounts of alcohol.. =\

just graduated from OCS. going over to Paya Lebar Air Force School. sigh. the overall commander of Air Wing in OCS, LTC Anthony Tan just retired. great fatherly old man. love him.

focus on your goal. you have the resources within you to achieve what you want

so true. yet so difficult. hah. all e best to u! =)
may everyone who read this post get struck by how true the above quote is. it has shed new light on the way i think and act. hope it has the same effect on u too! =)

2008-05-19T15:42:00.003+08:00

zzz. i got nus biz. ah well.

yes yes, i didnt make full use of my results to secure a place among the upper faculties. bite me..

sigh. cash is so fleeting. there is always something u have to spend on, and somethings u spontaneously spend on. sigh. nothing left to say. just feels so bogged down. haha.

congrats to those who got into their course of choice. =)

hello smu.. here i come..

2008-05-09T19:49:00.002+08:00

sigh

sigh. i have no idea why i am sighing also. just had arguably the worst week in months. honestly i really cannot put my finger on the problem. just feel down. down down down. DOWN.

well. time for technical details i guess. 5th week in air wing, 7th week in ocs. 2 more weeks and i'll be at paya lebar air force school. cant wait for that la. feel that i can clique better with the C3 people..

2008-04-27T14:32:00.002+08:00

shit. i feel that i have stagnated somehow. past week have been filled with interviews and tests for uni admissions. during the interview, i could feel myself running out of words or circling around irrelevance. sigh. stagnation stagnation... or rather, retardation. i do feel less academically inclined now. hahaha! yes yes. hate that smu old man. hope u read my blog entry. =P

worry is like a rocking chair. gives you something to do but u go nowhere. . . . . but den again, u cant exactly help it can u. it shows that u care enough about it. i am feeling stupendously worried right now. wondering if i can get into the faculty of my choice. *prays*

i know i am being greedy. shameless me. =X pride issue i bet. lol. all e best to your admissions, whoever that is reading. =)

2008-04-21T13:28:00.003+08:00

alright alright. i am going to update.. haha

well, its been quite an interesting month for me. as you all know, i have been posted to ocs. i was in infantry for 2 wks. den, i crossed over to air force as a wso C3 (weapon systems officer for Command Control Communication) this is my third week in air force, 5th week in ocs.

when i first went in, i felt that i didnt belong there and there are many reasons attributing to that sense of awkwardness.
one, being the fact that literally nobody saw it coming. nobody except jinbo anyway. hes a great friend i made in bmt. but anyway, everyone else fainted when they heard that i got posted to ocs. .
two, the fact that soooo many people are overtly fit in my platoon and that i am struggling to get by physically just did nothing to boost my confidence.
three, i am the only guy from my bmt company in that wing and i didnt knw anyone..
four, they showed us a video of what is to come. its supposed to be something fun and something to look forward to lah. but it just looks so insanely tough that i got demoralized..

anyway, it just wasnt a good feeling. i was feeling quite small and helpless the first 3 nights. like "oh i am totally going to DIE here".. but thankfully, yingqi called. had someone to talk to. goshh.. den i called jon and clovis. den i smsed jinbo. blahblah. just needed to feel more connected lah. den the feeling subsided after some team building team learning stuff conducted to help the platoon bond. blahblah. AND my family came! there was a parents visit session. grandma came too! den i felt more connected and i felt more at ease. furthermore, everyone have the confidence that i can pull through any shit. so that was a really an emotional 2 weeks i had in infantry. zzz.

den, i managed to cross over to air force! the nature of C3 is that we sit in a room with air con and stare at screens and radar and talk to pilots. so basically getting dirty out in the field will never happen to me ever again. and very very fortunately for me, i managed to cross over as a C3 officer! yayness! there were only 5 vacancies. very lucky me. seriously.

in air force, its 8-5 and a 5day work week. so basically, i do less den my infantry counterparts and i am still an officer. however, we tend to be looked down upon by our counterparts as being less worthy just because we dont go through hell lotsa shit and emerge from it stronger and fitter. its pretty ridiculous actually, considering that we do REAL TIME operations and work with REAL air crafts and real people flying. we have to be literally impeccable. stressful ok! infantry dont even have stress. just physically tiring. =X

anyway, enough about ocs.. i totally miss american idol. T_T first time i am NOT watching the show. in sec sch, i always made sure i caught the show. even if i had to watch it on tvmobile, i would even miss bus stops just to make sure i catch the show. or, jeremy would always tape it dwn and we would watch it back when there are free afternoons. gosh. and now, i am unable to catch any episodes except on youtube. DAMNIT. i miss idol. T_T

2008-03-22T00:32:00.002+08:00

got posted to ocs. dont know whether to be happy or to be sad. well, thats the problem with me i guess. having no goal in my life. yes i admit, i have no goal. damnit. i totally need to find them. yes i am happy for the high salary, but i am just having cold feet thinking about all the stuff i have to go through. but u know what, i will rise up to the challenge anyway...

back to my goal. well... currently i am just thinking of the career with the lowest work to pay ratio. wishd they categorized careers in that manner. lol. i never believed in those people with that single goal ie i want to be a doctor and save lives or change lives or meddle with lives. i mean, what tuh hell, u wanna set a goal when your character have not yet settled down?! i mean, 16 years into your life of actually utilizing logic and emotions and tadah, i want to be a lawyer, by hook or by crook! sigh. ok maybe i am being sore but i just dont think what we want to become now may not be what we want to stay as 10 yrs later...

ok fine. i admit, i dont wnt to grow up, as inevitable the outcome is. this totally boils down to growing up. i just realized i am approaching 19 and soon, 20. gosh. it scares me. to grow up. not that i am blaming my family for treating me like a kid for 18 years... yeah. but anyway, since i dont know whats best for me, i shall just do what my family say. apply for medicine and fuck double degree. but honestly, my choices are what are expected of hc and rj students. and that freaking which scares me. am i that capable? sigh.. just wished i as much confidence in myself as the amount my family and friends have in me.

ok quit babbling. . i shall be mentally strong and i shall begin to grow up. i shall transit to being an adult and i shall take charge. *warcry*

2008-03-20T00:45:00.004+08:00

are you there..
are you watching me..

i totally love kelly clarkson. <3

damnit. self proclaimed kelly clarkson fan yet i totally din ease into her album My December. so many songs i actually love and feel. sucha personal album. i never really noticed it until i read about it online. she must have been through lotsa heartaches. all the goosebumps i get when i feel her emotion. omg.. sigh.. kelly i'm with u all the way!! <3

i wish i am able to sing better. i have no idea why i cant sing sigh. so many songs i would love to sing and sound ok with. but i just suck at singing. but music really gives me the chance to get into the moment with the song and just enjoy how it can really lift your spirits and put a smile on your face. but my smile gets wiped off instantly since ppl always tells me to shut up. urgh. i just wish i can sing better... i actually do love singing.. T_T

nuff said. i hope i get admitted to the course i want!! pleaseeeee let me in!

2008-03-18T21:58:00.002+08:00

apply this submit that write achievements comment on intellect find a teacher referee your ass off oh my goodness still have to go back to camp on monday. AH!

alright. finally got myself to the library and laid hands on paulo coelho's famous book. THE ALCHEMIST! too popular not to read. i'll look retarded if people went "hey dont you just love Santiago's journey.." and i go "huh isnt he a soccer player?"

anyway, i love author's note. it just sets the tone for the entire book. the way he summarizes some simple observations of human behaviour totally stimulates you to reflect.

shall continue on my alchemist journey.. taaa~

2008-03-11T22:57:00.002+08:00

pop loh! corny but appropriate. wheee. 11 days of civilian life.

i wonder why i never stood up to you and fight against the injustic of it all. perhaps you were intimidating, or i was a coward, or i was simply overly tolerant. mistake. and i realised it already. at least i wont ever see you again. i hope at least.

2008-03-08T01:03:00.001+08:00

YES! i did well! ok secretly i hate myself for not doing even better. . . damnit. but still. did well! =DD

nxt worry is uni admissions. which fac and stuff. ah well. shall ask arnd. gonna slp soon. tired nuts!

2008-03-01T01:52:00.004+08:00

alright. the first part of my ns journey is ending soon. i cleared all necessary requirements in my bmt and am ready to move on to the next chapter, preferably command school =DD. ah well. cant describe how glad i am right now, to have cleared ippt. YAYNESS.

i dont know why, but i keep thinking of what my platoon mate said to me. alex asked me if i cleared my ippt. after my positive reply, he went ,"i knew it" and gave me a smile. in my entire bmt i doubt i spoke to alex for even more den one accumulated minute. yet, that 2 seconds after ippt which that episode happened, the impact is still felt even after 15 hours. thank you alex. though you probably wont see this. i just wished i made more friends, esp with you guys from your section.

i regret not putting in more effort in bonding with my platoon mates. now that bmt is ending, issit too late to start? i admit i hated half the platoon in the beginning of bmt. everyone in e platoon hated at least half the platoon. from the start, exactly half the platoon was from jc and the other half is from poly/ite/phd/others. and to make matters worse, the jc kiddos were in exactly 2 bunks while the others were in the remaining 2 bunks. there was just instant discrimination. in the eyes of outsiders, we were a disgrace. but now, we are one happy platoon. though more can be done, i am sure the quilt is already decently patched.

perhaps we were not yet mature during the beginning. perhaps we matured during this 9 wks after walking the bmtc journey tgt. or perhaps we just took our time and this outcome was inevitable. nonetheless, we are getting there, the final destination where we are one totally united platoon. =))

ok enough abt army. looks like a levels are gonna be out nxt friday. SOMEONE SAVE ME. please don let me down. please...

2008-02-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

a certain post from peisi struck a chord deep in me. something abt social imposterism and how we all tend to depreciate ourselves by making negative comments about ourselves while in actual fact, we know we are THAT capable. to put it into a few words u usually hear after an exam, "DIE, i think i gonna do badly!".

lo and behold, the dude WILL pass. ok not ALL the time. but theres enough of these situations.

brings me to the a level results issue. i know i did reasonable well, but if everyone is more confident then me, and that such a national exam is graded by distribution, can i expect myself to score well? is it not justifiable that i indulge in the above phrase? a lot of people have given me the "but you wont do badly" phrase. all i can retort is "like you know".

looking at all the letters that nus, ntu and smu sent to me, i just cant help but feel a pang of panic. what if, what if, what if?

what if?!

2008-02-23T13:21:00.003+08:00

finally. booked out once again. seriously, there are sooo litle saturdays. ;)

ahh well. finished range, field camp, sit test and bcct. left soc and ippt and i am DONE WITH TEKONG! cant wait!

zzz. a level results coming out soon. worse is that we have no hard evidence and all we ever hear in tekong are rumours. every friday seems to be a lvl results day. lol.

2008-02-07T01:48:00.000+08:00

woah. haven blogged in a long long time. well, happy lunar new year!

damn. i cant watch americal idol. T_T its on wkdays. what a bitch.

i lost weight! =D and i think i may be able to pass my ippt! oh yeah~ oh yeah~ oh yeah~

ok i really have zero blogging juice and mood right now. shall update soon, i promise. byee!

2008-01-11T10:07:00.000+08:00

book out! zzz. i seriously hate this dude in the platoon. hope he reads this. rinson the regular! you filthy labrador.

anyway, its freaking funny la. i asked bunk mates this chem qn. "wad condition needed for nucleophilic sub of cyanide ions to halogenoalkane.". haha! all blank faces.

my brain is wasting away. its time i read. @_@

2007-12-31T18:23:00.001+08:00

2007-12-12T16:36:00.001+08:00

well, before i take my leave, i shall blog about the last few days of my post A's and pre enlistment. basically, i did NOTHING constructive except finishing harry potter series. seriously, i am unable to contain my excitement and anticipation for the 6th and 7th movie. i LOVE THE JOURNEY OF HARRY POTTER! to J K Rowling, THANK YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE TAG MY BOARD! =P

amazing. heart stopping action. hated every moment when i had to leave my book to do what i had to do.

ok had like several gatherings with pri sch friends, sec sch frens and jc frens. and TODAY shall be gathering with family! sweet.

my mind keeps running wild about life in army. all those drama serials. army daze for one seems to portray it as comically freaky. haha. oh well. its time i became a man! to manhood! or oblivion. lol

anyway, to all my frends and family, love u all! =)
i insist on a red carpet when i book out. =DDD
harhar

2007-12-06T12:14:00.000+08:00

i am SICK and TIRED of people calling me a PIG cause i sleep long hours! has it occurred to you that pigs do NOT sleep long hours?

MISCOMPARISON

an average real oinking pig that provides pork meat sleeps an average of ONLY 10 HOURS. if would be more appropriate if you compare me with a KOALA which goes up to 15 hours. or, a SLOTH would be the most appropriate with 18 hours and a top speed of 1.5m/min on ground. anyway, the point is not actually to compare me with a sloth - although its highly appropriate and already stated at the description of myself on top right corner- but to stop comparing me with a pig!

anyway, you cant blame me. look at the weather these days. raining incessantly, creating chilly air that seeps right through your bed and pillows, cooling it to a comfortable cosy temperature so that it tingles the skin when held in an embrace. blahblahblah yeah yeah. in short, its just comfortable for sleeping.

anyway, its prom night. gotta go get changed for prom. maybe if i am feeling in the mood, may just post my prom pictures. see ya people!

2007-11-30T00:28:00.000+08:00

in the words of Akon.

lonely. i'm mr lonely. i have nobody. for my own.

hah! sums up my evening. guess i overestimated myself by a way more than i even assumed i did. yes its a facade. its a weak one too. guess i need to steady myself for future incidents.. .

an elusive concept i never really had a grip on. probably wont too in the near future(duh i am going army). . i aint that dreamy sort but i do believe that it would be pleasurable and satisfying while it lasts. know what, shant be sore about it and move on. harry's waiting for me to read to e part where e boggart comes out of e closet as a dementor. yeah i am that slow.

by the way, i am quitting vulgarities. fuck vulgarities. the fuck-ing days are gone. hail now the dawn of fuck-free blog entries.

2007-11-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

ok i am really addicted to heroes. yattaah!!! =D i looveee isaac. uber cool dude.

ok i have really nothing to blog about actually. but my friend is standing behind me so i kinda feel obliged to type something. something something something something. KENNETH YEE SHAO YONG TA FOOOOOO. thats his big name. ok now michelle came over. i really have nothing to blog about!

25mins later...

actually i found somehing thought provoking in the last 25minutes. with my heroes addiction, naturally almost everything i said could be remotely linked to heroes. and so my fren said "i've been through that phase. the addiction is evident. it'll pass"..

sians. i am SURE i aint e only one that is like that, stubbornly holding on to present behaviours when guo lai ren had warned you abt it!! i have this younger cousin with the world's fugliest hairstyle. he loves it. i think hes wearing a fugly helmet. i actually told him that 10years later he would find it fugly. ironically an older cousin told me that 10years later i would regret not having those tiny bitches on my face expurged. zzz.

why are we innately stubborn creatures??? why?!?! burh. well, guess its because we haven seen the final consequence of our immediate action and hence, are unable to commit ourself to change. u know how much energy it takes to change our habits?!?!?! wth. reminds me of this joke. "habits are hard to remove. remove the H, abit is still there. remove the A, there is still a wee bit left. remove the B, it fucking still is there."

well, leaving with Aristotle's quote this time. If Youth Knew, If Age Could. i understood the former, maybe 50yrs later or something i'll understand the latter.

2007-11-25T05:43:00.000+08:00

summation fragment phosphorous pentachloride demands that the supply of politics and science and technology leaves my brain. ok i am talking crap.

well, i have always used this phrase "after A's" to push things that i wanna do till, well as you can see, after A's. now that its really after A's, just how much have i procrastinated? well, lets find out.

1)clear my gddamn room, living room and dad's room. its littered with my notes.
2)fix my comp. it crashed. lucky i backed up my idol songs.
3)lose weight! zzz. this is perpetually on my list. screw off!
4)singing lessons. i dont actually mean to pay for them. X_X
5)maple my ASS off. this is the only one i am fulfilling right now. X_X
6)take up roller blading lessons (learn how to blade safely without the back brakes la.)
7)learn wakeboarding
8)read entire Harry Potter Series for the first time. X_X i'm on 3rd chapter of 1st book!

well... on a more personal note.
9)make time for my dearest gang of secondary sch. miss u guys
10)play mahjong with sch4d frens.
11)spend more time with family

well i guess thats abt it. all i can think of right now. seriously, the days of fucked up mugging are gone. i've yet to sort out my priorities for my remaining 3wks before NS. hope your not on the same boat as me. although it would be nice to have company. =P
tag la and share your "after A's" plans. =)

2007-11-23T02:15:00.000+08:00

BING BING BIANG BIANG

whee celebrations! first entry. previous url was just plain irksome. haha. well, it just seemed cute in back then in secondary school. yeah yeah, say wat you want. i cAnT hEAr yoU~~. lol

well. guess it would be apt to declare that MY A LEVELS HAVE JUST ENDED. whee~ seriously, my miserable days are over, and life is like a soooong~ at laaast. actually i do miss the work. the stress. the tension. the school. its so aimless now. its like, i'm just rotting away, metaphorically. there was SOME meaning in waking up. knowing that we have to go to school and finish the curriculum. ah well. now that its over, its time for worrying. OMG. results. . . T_T

have 3weeks left. gotta lose the 1*kg i gained during this exam period. urgh. wish me luck.